God is Good.

"[Christ] is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn over all creation. For by him all things were created: things in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible, whether thrones or powers or rulers or authorities; all things were created by him and for him. He is before all things, and in him all things hold together. And he is the head of the body, the church; he is the beginning and the firstborn from among the dead, so that in everything he might have the supremacy. For God was pleased to have all his fullness dwell in him, and through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross."
– Colossians 1:15-20

I love Whittier Hills Baptist Church. It has been such a blessing to find such a wonderful church while I’m at school. We received an excellent message this morning which tied together many of the things I’ve been thinking about for a while. This may get long, so brace yourself.
Pastor Bishop started by talking about stars and astronomy and gravity and other science stuff (yay!) and how phenomenal the design of these things is. This thought then led to the discussion of pictures such as Van Gogh’s Starry Night (double yay!) and how completely brilliant the colors are and therefore how amazing the thought of their creator. Not only do these colors look beautiful, but they also draw up an emotional response, and the originator of these emotions such as love has blessed us so much by creating these things (triple yay!). All of these things didn’t have to be the way that they are, but God created these things– the genius of gravity, the vibrance of colors, the power of emotions– so that we may enjoy life. This concept brought me back to our Euthyphro session with Ms. Schubert when she opened by sharing her experience of biting into an especially delightful nectarine which led her to spontaneous praise, and continuing with the thought that it didn’t have to be this way. We could have lived in a world without flavor... without color... without constant forces for us to study and enjoy... but we don’t. Our Creator planned and built a world which has a reflection of the Son in all things that have not been distorted by sin. This fact alone should lead us to immediate praise.

While it should, it doesn’t always. Pastor Bishop told a story of his wife sitting right next to a world-class guitarist and not knowing it, and therefore putting in her iPod buds instead of listening to his private concert for the rest of the people in the room. We so often proverbially do this to God– instead of looking and seeing Christ in everything beautiful and wonderful about the world, we ignore his place in all of this. However, Colossians tell us that " [Christ] is... the firstborn over all creation... all things were created by him and for him." He is in everything, and has authority over everything. Everything belongs to him, and he created it all. Therefore, all things he creates will carry something of him and who he is. Even those things which are distorted by sin are being recreated to reflect him– "through him to reconcile to himself all things, whether things on earth or things in heaven, by making peace through his blood, shed on the cross." Not only are people saved by his death and his blood being shed, but all of creation... sounds, sights, the concept of Beauty itself... will be reconciled to him and shall reflect him once more. In all perfect, undistorted things, God has put his image.

It is an amazing concept both that God would deem us fit to put his image in all good and beautiful things for us to see, and more amazingly, that he would be "pleased to have all his fullness dwell in [Christ]," thereby reconciling all things to himself. He wants the restoration of his original creation so much that he took on human flesh to return the glory to all of his creation. So, pretty much, God is Good. Dustin McCurry and Sterling Bartow both will probably kill me for saying this one more time, but God is Good and his concern for us and desire to make us whole and good is astounding and truly calls for spontaneous praise.

Solitude.

I recently got yelled at (or gently scolded, or reprimanded, or whatever) for not having blogged in forever... so here ya'are.
After the not-nearly-long-enough summer, it is positively wonderful to be back. At the same time, however, I really miss summer and home. Yes, I miss the lack of homework responsibilities, the paychecks (although, not so much the job), the lazy summer afternoons in the sun on the river, being able to drink water straight out of the tap, but mostly I miss the people. I miss getting a call at 10 pm to go out to eat and watch a movie with the rest of my youth group, or just a couple good friends. I miss seeing my family around all the time (especially my mom, since she broke her ankle in May and is still not quite entirely mobile and so is around the house all the time). I miss my best friends (one of whom I didn't see nearly enough during the summer, and the other who I saw practically every day, and I think the roots that I built there were the most painful to leave). Mostly, I miss the feeling that I belong, that I'm an integral part in something good.
It's a weird concept-- that one can belong to or in a place, or a group of people, but abstract as it may be, it is definitely a real thing. Don't get me wrong-- I love Biola, and I know that God wants me here-- He has made that perfectly evident (just ask me how I ended up here.) However, that still hasn't made it easier to cope with not finding my niche. It is extremely hard for me, as a quite social creature, to feel as though I lack that group of people I can call at any time when I need a break or to whom I'm relatively important. Perhaps that makes me selfish and needy... so be it. It is simply unspeakably hard for me to actively pursue a friendship for the most part, especially when there seems to be no place for me. I know that this has so much to do with an inaccurate view of oneself and one's surroundings, so I know that I oughtn't complain-- I ought to just suck it up and go on with life, hoping it will improve as I grow, which I'm sure it will. But that doesn't make it much easier for now. Believe me, I love solitude-- just not quite this much of it. I think I just need a hug. A big hug. Hugs make the world better.

Wow...

Snow is such a thing of beauty... a true reflection of its Inventor. I'm only sad that I missed it this time around. (This is looking out my front door at home, by the way.)

Ucky love stuff.

So, this is my best friend's oh-so-affectionate term for most things romantic. And I tend to agree.

Ok, so, I've been thinking a fair amount about all of that ucky love stuff; partly because it's around Valentine's day, partly because of our Torrey reading lately, and partly because, well, I'm human.

To be more specific, I'm a die-hard, hopeless romantic girl who's trying to figure all this stuff out, because she's screwed it up too many times before, and never wants to again.

I suppose my previous failings have earned me my singlehood. And I deserve it, and need it.

But it doesn't make it any more fun or easy. Then again, I suppose it's not supposed to be fun or easy, is it?

I mean, God Himself said that it wasn't good for man to be alone, and one would suspect that it goes for woman too.

One of the girls on my floor suggested that we try dating Jesus. Huh. Weird concept. I don't know how I feel about that.

And to clear up previous statements, I really don't want the aforementioned Jesus O'Brien Buble Mraz... I want someone real.

Don't ask me what "he" looks like... it would take far too long to say, if I could come up with an answer.

And it would be a wrong answer if I could.

*happy sigh...*

God is so good. I just had an excellent conversation with one of the most wonderful, godly girls I have ever known. She simply shines God so amazingly completely, and yet her continual progress towards the Good, the Truth and the Beauty is ever apparent. She is joyous, and kind, and concerned, and intelligent, and full of life, even in some of her darkest times. She has had a bad couple of days, and yet still reflects God more than ever.

She seems to me to embody the type of woman CS Lewis was speaking of in The Great Divorce-- "But her motherhood was of a different kind. Those on whom it fell went back to their natural parents loving them more. Few men looked on her without becoming, in a certain fashion, her lovers. But it was the kind of love that made them not less true, but truer to their own wives." She truly makes you fall in love, but not with her so much as with her Creator. You talk to her, and fall in love with the One she loves-- you can't help it. She simply exudes the character of God, and leaves an impression of Him wherever she goes in whatever she does. You love God more through interaction with her, and in such, you love those you already loved, more. She is truly inspiring.

I love sitting and talking with her, because I truly feel that in such, I see a glimpse of the Good, the Truth and the Beauty. We talked about how God is so cool (and I never say that lightly) because He can obviously do His work without us, and yet He wants our involvement in His glorification enough to send His Son's soul to the pits of Hell (to follow the Apostle's Creed), which is, Platonically, the greatest love. His Son, however, being fully God, had enough soul to rise out of Hell, so that He may still love us. Christ is the highest love we can pursue, because we cannot know God as He is(and therefore cannot love Him), so we must love the most perfect human (Christ). However, only one who can understand and empathize with our shortcomings can truly love us back. In order to do this, Christ took our sins upon himself. The implications of this are so staggering. (Thanks to Amy Cannon, btw, for the last few sentences... I think I got that right.) The conclusion of any time spent with this wonderful woman of God, and of our discussion is this: God is phenomenally amazing, in the strongest possible way.
He is just so cool.

other random musings...

This is the quirky, dumb side of me.

People must think I'm fully psychotic sometimes... and I really can't argue.

I've decided the man of my dreams is a conglomeration of 4 men-- Michael Buble, Jason Mraz, Conan O'Brien, and Jesus Christ. Perhaps Jesus should have been first on the list... so, rather, the 4 guys are Jesus Christ, Jason Mraz, Conan O'Brien, and Michael Buble. If the reasons aren't quite obvious, think harder.

The radio station on in the bathroom was broadcasting an infomercial about hair loss medication. It's kinda funny.

I was thinking about the suggestion from our Torrey session about exchanging Platonic Valentines (such as... "You're my sphere." or something from Agathon's fluff in Symposium), and chuckling about the idea while washing my hands, and my RA walked in and thought I was laughing at the aforementioned radio. Which was also pretty funny.

I think the man of my dreams will have to go to Disneyland with me and stop in the middle of a big crowd and sing to me as loudly as possible. To whatever is going through his head. I don't care if it's "I'm a little teapot." I want to be sung to in Disneyland.

I also think I want to be proposed to in Disneyland... in the middle of the compass rose in front of the castle during the fireworks show. That would be way too flipping awesome. And then eat at the Blue Bayou.

So, my roomie, one of her fellow Chestertonians, and I are going sugarfree through the month of February, except Valentine's day. I don't really like Valentine's day. It's pretty doggone dumb.

I think I'll give up soda and coffee for Lent. That sounds fun.

Does anyone know when Lent starts?

NOooooooooo........

So, I was just sitting on my bed today, listening to some Michael Buble and Jason Mraz, and I realized... I think I'm homesick. This is weird, because I wasn't homesick at all last semester. Come to think of it, I've never been one to get homesick. I don't know exactly what is spurning it now... perhaps the fact that I actually got to spend time with people at home. Not as a matter of coincidence, not as a productive meeting, not doing anything, really, just... spending time. It's an odd and beautiful thing, that whole "wasting time together" concept. It's very foreign to me, and very enjoyable. Anyway, so, I miss home and everyone at home. I miss the ability to drive 10 minutes and arrive at my best friend's house and just sit and talk, or watch a movie, or just sit and cry. I miss the ability to cry in the privacy of my own room... yeah. I miss seeing my friends at church and having Zach and Sterling right there... ooohhh... I miss Sterling. We have an... ahem... unique relationship. We really act like brother and sister... who wish for the other's demise. I think I've bruised him pretty bad a couple of times... yeah. And I get to be not smart with him, as well as with my biological sister. I miss being not smart. This whole intellectual thing isn't quite who I am, and I don't think people at school really know that... I miss being my whole self, I suppose. I love being quirky, and giggly, and kind of obnoxious, and passionate about not much of anything, and just weird. So, yeah. It's fun. I'm not feeling quite as homesick right now... maybe I was wrong the first time. K I'm done.

Isn't it amazing...

... how you can go to bed one night with the heaviest of hearts, and wake up not really worried about the things that weighed so much on your soul? For example, I've been struggling with my relationship with my 'twin' roommate lately... we definitely seem to be drifting apart, and it's breaking my heart. But I woke up this morning, and I felt this amazing peace about it. Perhaps it's due to the fact that last night, I think I figured it out-- we've had an 'Ignatius' friendship. (To explain, Ignatius is a Torrey group that hit it off perfectly and was inseparable, but is kind of going through some little things, and I predict that something is going to go horribly wrong, simply because the friendship doesn't seem to be based in truly knowing a person's soul so much as it seems to be based in coincident and commonalities which make for a fairly superficial friendship.) And this is not at all to say that we are fighting, or that we're ever not going to be friends, but we aren't as close as I'd hoped we'd be. Perhaps I had myself too emotionally staked in this relationship, but it still hurts. Or perhaps I've just been seeing things the wrong way, but who knows.

On the other hand, my Torrey group is slowly but surely growing into a magnificent friendship that really is based, of necessity, more on knowing each other more fully-- my group, Homer, was the problem child of Torrey, and we had infamous group dynamics issues. We really didn't get along, and I thought there was no way that I would last a semester with everyone in my group, let alone the next four years. Well, things have changed. Of course, we're not quite as 'close' as Ignatius, but I truly believe this will be a healthier relationship because we didn't necessarily just hit it off, but we are working through our pretenses, and I'm so excited to get to know these wonderful people over the next four years. I have been blessed with quite a few friendships through this group, and one in particular that has been particularly helpful and uplifting for me in the past couple days. I am so thankful for God's provision for me in this way, and in every way. It has just been so comforting to be able to talk things through. In talking it through, as well as in contemplating the two different friendships, I've found that I am so much more able to appreciate my relationship with my roommate just the way it is, and allow it to be what it will be, instead of forcing something that I want. In allowing it to be real, the relationship will become more like Homer's-- don't pretend, just be... and just be, together. God really does know what He's doing, and I'm so thankful that I get to be a part of Homer, and I'm so thankful for all of the relationships stemming out of that. I'm so thankful that I have the roommate I have-- she truly is one of the most amazing people I know, and I'm truly blessed by her. Most of all, I'm so thankful for God's peace that transcends understanding, and that His mercies truly are new every morning.

So, I should explain.

I should, first of all, qualify this entire blog. This is going to be more of a diary-type blog, not inteded to be social, political, religious, or philisophical commentary-- simply a flushing-out of pent up emotion which often arises during day-to-day life. If something I say doesn't make sense, ignore it. This is me venting about things so that I don't really have to complain to other people, or burst out emotion to other people if they don't want to hear it... it's here for the taking. This is, quite frankly, kind of scary. I don't know what I'm doing... so I'll just jump in and start typing whatever I'm feeling, honest as can be. Read on if you dare.